The weary sailor

Today, I turned 26. I haven't recorded anything on my pensieve for a while. I dont know why. I didnt feel like it. Seeing someone else's pensieve today reminded me of this one. Different people celebrate their birthdays in different ways. Somehow my birthdays make me thoughtful. I use them to reflect about what I did the previous year. Its a good time to be lonely. I hid from my friends today, like last year and the year before. IMO, It is ok to celebrate festivals together with people. Celebrating your own birth sounds facetious to me. Or is it the guilt that makes me hide. I dont wish my friends on their birthdays, not on intent, sometimes I forget. No big deal. But to be honest, it makes me guilty if people remember mine and wish me.

When I started this blog, I was 21, fresh out of college, so eager to live life, searching for my place in life. 5 years down the line, gone through a lot in life, lived some of it, wasted some of it. In retrospect life's been good to me, nah, kind to me, compared to some others. Yet the same feeling of restlessness prevails. The emptiness lingers like a bitter taste which lasts too long and the search continues; Yes, I am content with life, but not quite so, if that makes sense to you. Not that it does any to me.

I don't know why I bother to record my thoughts here anymore, because after a few months, few years, I look back at them and they seem silly. But in a way it records a snapshot of my thoughts at a point in life. A measure of progress(or is it?) in my thought process. From what I see, and I declare, I have grown a lot older and wiser since my first post. Wise seems to be a cool thing to be. But believe me, wisdom just puts your follies under the microscope and makes you squirm. And what seems wisdom to you today, seems so immature in another year. Instead of things getting clearer, they get murkier and you start seeing the gray shades in between black and white, which frankly I don't want to see. Every year, I think I have seen a lot in life, but the next year belittles the previous one. But let me remind myself how a good photograph is made. Too little exposure makes it too dark to see, too much ruins it. You want just the right amount of light. Yes, I want my life to be picture perfect, I am a mere mortal. I want the right amount of wisdom. Let me stop my ramblings here, before I go out of focus, if I haven't done so already. Oh wait, what was my focus? Nevermind. If you havent already, go read my disclaimer.

Hmm, so, what next? What do I want to do in the next year.

Nothing much, Just do the right thing. Uff, so easy to say. And I want to preserve the part of my heart which hopes for miracles and believes in God, because, if it stops believing, it starts decaying. Be good to people for whom I mean a lot, try not to show my stupidity, and yes, do the right thing. And be proud of what I am and not try too hard to be the 'ideal' person. Take everything in life, success or failure, with a pinch of salt. Ok life, bring it on. Lets see what you got!